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I thought, “I wonder what evil costs today?”

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I have a problem with feeling powerless. The problem is not feeling powerless, although that sucks eggs too, but my reaction to it. I get obsessed with it — how I should do something about it, how others have taken advantage of me and this is just another in a long line of jack-boots stepping on my face. See? I get weird. I start snapping at people — coworkers, wife, kids. One thing that always gets me spitting steam like a boiled cartoon cowboy is Microsoft — the ultimate baddy. I remember one time, as a lowly college student, struggling with finances, I was required to purchase Microsoft Office (student ed.) because my professor Would Not  Open Non-Microsoft Text-files. Despite my having made the effort to save it in a Microsoft compatible format. Soon after that, my computer crashed. Guess what? It was too late to download the Office suite I had bought from Microsoft just 3 months earlier. So, I had to buy it again, and a new Microsoft OS! I spent $900 on the computer, and another $1000 on Microsoft products, just to be able to turn in my assignments for school. Then, for a statistics class, I realized I needed Microsoft Access. And guess what?

Over the years I have spent a lot of time and energy simply pondering Microsoft’s aura of evil. Obsessing, really. Oh, every time I had an interaction with a Microsoft product, like, every other second, I would start to simmer again. How I hated the feeling of being abused and used like some sort of worm hosting a wasp larva — they want me alive, so I could earn more money for them. Over and over … every few years, paying for an upgrade to a system I had just learned how to use, only to start at the beginning again.

One day, I was stewing, and  I looked up Microsoft’s stock, thinking, “I wonder what evil costs?”

It was quite reasonable, actually. And they had begun paying dividends … hmm. Then something magical happened. I said to myself, “What if I could get all of my money back from Microsoft? All of it!”

So, I bought the stock, and I had a feeling of peace. And I began to stop dwelling on how Microsoft tries to screw me and everyone I know; I began to live a life without “Microsoft Hate” eating away at my soul. I had never realized just how awful it had made me feel, all those years, brooding, loathing, hating.

So, here is a list of 6 companies I have bought stock in, because I just don’t have time to hate them anymore:

1) Microsoft

2) Wal*Mart

3) My insurance companies (Auto and Medical).

4) My cable company.

5) Facebook.

6) My Bank.

Now, understand, I didn’t even really look at the numbers on these companies. They are not going anywhere, and that’s the point. My investment is monetary  sure, but mostly it is about retribution. These companies have taken something from me, and I am going to get it back. And I know when it’s time to buy more, when I start thinking how much one of these companies pisses me off.

Microsoft, by the way, has put out a nice operating system this year, much to my surprise. I actually like it. And, you know what? I am close to getting all of my money back from them, and it makes me so fucking happy.

I wish the government would privatize the DMV, so I could buy the hell out of it …